The Subsidies

'kato kaelin

2009-05-04T15:34:00.005-05:00

We had a friggin blast at the Underground in Mankato last weekend (the locals shamelessly refer to their town as "Kato"). We'll be back. Here's some backstage and performance footage, along with clips of the Jammin' for Jenny benefit we played the weekend before:

Vids as of late... AND Rocco DeLuca @ the Fine Line

2009-04-26T13:44:00.003-05:00

So, haven't updated this in a while. Got kinda discouraged about posting our vids when I received a threatening email from Facebook saying I was possibly infringing on copyrighted material (which I may or may not have totally been doing, as I included background music to some of our vids... because we're not that interesting by ourselves) and my account could be deactivated. I'm back to posting more vids from the Michigan tour, so check out our FB page to see the new ones. If my account gets deativated, well, fuck it. I spend too much time on there anyway.

Anywho... saw a cool show at the Fine Line last night. Rocco DeLuca. Dude plays a dobro, normally a southern country/old school blues instrument. Very cool to see him go to town on this thing and rock out. Here are some highlights:

More tales from the road:

2009-03-25T12:37:00.001-05:00

The Subsidies: Behind the copyrighted music, Vol. 5.6

2009-03-21T16:30:00.000-05:00

uhhhh... I don't know sometimes...

The Subsidies: Behind the copyrighted music, Vol. 5.5

2009-03-20T10:15:00.001-05:00

Gonna find my baby gonna hold her tight
Gonna grab some afternoon delight...

The Subsidies: Behind the copyrighted music, Vol. 5.4

2009-03-19T11:32:00.000-05:00

Joe - whatcha up to?
Just workin' some things out...

The Subsidies: Behind the copyrighted music, Vol. 5.3

2009-03-17T13:56:00.003-05:00

and we're listening to Howard Johnson...
Howard Jones.
Howard Jones's brother...

The Subsidies: Behind the copyrighted music, Vol. 5.2

2009-03-16T15:15:00.002-05:00

Updates from the road:

The Subsidies: Behind the copyrighted music, Vol. 5.1

2009-03-15T21:11:00.000-05:00

Back on March 6th-8th, the Subsidies rented an RV and took a road trip (some might call it a "tour" - some might not) up to Marquette, Michigan to play a few shows at Up Front & Co.

Over the next two weeks, I will post a video clip each day, chronicling our adventure.

These are our stories:

After-bar at Perkins!!!

2009-03-12T10:09:00.003-05:00

Performance and post-show footage from our 2/28/09 show at Torge's down in Austin, MN:

Our "after-bar" tab at Perkins:
6 pancakes
3 orange juices
8 strips of bacon
1 ham steak
1 soup de jour
3 orders of hash browns
1 Eggs Benedict
1 Steakhouse Scrambler
2 orders of 3 eggs scrambled
1 Granny's Country Omlete meal (w/blueberry muffin)
2 Chimmey Changa appetizers (one ended up on the floor - thanks Amy)

Then it all... came un-glued:

2009-03-03T14:26:00.000-06:00

What happens after midnight... gets caught on video.

2009-02-28T14:21:00.001-06:00

Here's a montage of our last set of the night at the Red Carpet back on 2/19:

Functional Art

2009-02-26T10:46:00.000-06:00

It's the aquaglobe giveaway!

Bad Marketing...

2009-02-24T12:31:00.001-06:00

either that or we're just really bad at reading death metal fonts.

It's 3am it must be crowded

2009-02-23T13:33:00.004-06:00

Luxurious accomodations provided by the Gateway Motel in St. Cloud, MN:

Savin' some serious cash!!

We're #4 in the ROCK category for MN on Reverbnation.com!!!!!!

2009-02-16T18:15:00.006-06:00

I'd like to thank the academy, Matt Wangsness, my beautiful wife for her undying support ("What's reverb..eration?"), and maybe Jeff Worden on a good day.

Go to www.reverbnation.com under the charts section in the left column. Set your focus to "local" (make sure your location is set to somewhere near the twin cities) and the genre to "rock" and you'll see us at #4!!!

Here's our profile, BTW: http://www.reverbnation.com/thesubsidies

Everybody wants to pick their nose.

2009-02-13T08:26:00.004-06:00

Laura had congestion issues at practice last night:

Oh, and I'm not allowed to make fun of Dave online anymore, so if you see an absense of Dave-centric material on any of our websites, now you know it's not for lack of material.

Ah hell, one for the road. Comment on this blog post with the funniest caption for young David and we'll play 2.5 seconds of whatever song you want at the next show.

this is so boring it's funny:

2009-02-08T09:55:00.002-06:00

some new songs we've been kickin' around:

2009-01-28T23:00:00.001-06:00

"What's a d*ck-nossel?"

2009-01-25T14:57:00.000-06:00

Centomas!

2009-01-22T12:41:00.001-06:00

Laura does the "centomas" tango:

She pours a stiff drink.

2009-01-20T22:32:00.004-06:00

More pre-show fun from our gig at the Red Carpet in St. Cloud last weekend:

The Subsidies: Behind the (copyrighted) music

2009-01-19T09:23:00.002-06:00

Here's a taste of all the prep that goes into a Subsidies show. I've left out the yoga sequences.

Pre-show vol. 1 - "likeah de sexy tiem"

Pre-show vol. 2 - "WANGER"

Volumes 3-7 posted later this week.

new concert footage

2009-01-13T10:03:00.003-06:00

Here's a couple great vids from our show at Tiff's last weekend:

More to watch on our main site: http://www.thesubsidies.com/watch.php
Thanks to James for taking these!

Twitter

2009-01-10T15:51:00.002-06:00

The band just got on Twitter today. If you tweet, be sure to follow us: http://twitter.com/thesubsidies

Men Against Taupe Underwear (M.A.T.U.)

2009-01-10T15:17:00.008-06:00

We've got a little Facebook group going whose sole purpose is to spread the word about the evils of taupe colored underwear. Check it out and BECOME A MEMBER here. We need all the help we can muster to support our cause.

In order to spread the word about M.A.T.U., we, The Subsidies took it upon ourselves to hold a sexy non-taupe underwear giveaway at a recent show in St. Paul. I think we showed a few people the light that night. Checkout pics from the shopping spree and video of the giveaway:

Your lanta ain't Mylanta

2009-01-09T15:51:00.003-06:00

As a mildly successful cover band, we often find ourselves eating meals together. Two decidedly unique gastrointestinal camps have emerged within the group. Those who clean their plate and those who must excuse themselves after a few french fries. I'll let you make your judgements as to who's who.

crazy guitar vids

2008-12-20T22:43:00.001-06:00

This guy is replacing Joe as soon as he gets over to the states:

Just us dudes:

Sick of Winter? FIGHT BACK!!

2008-12-04T12:19:00.005-06:00

Yeah, that's right, get all brutal on that accumulation!

Hilarious pics courtesy of Sam Nelson, Mike Tangen, and Catlin Nelson Tangen.

The glamorous life of a cover band:

2008-11-24T23:22:00.000-06:00

Ahh the perks of life on the road...

Every day includes a healthy breakfast,

lunch,

and dinner.

Don't forget, plenty of pooping,

posing for pictures,

water slides,

brushes with fame,

and rounding out the day by falling asleep on stage.

In between all that, we manage to tryout some new outfits,

attend meat raffles,

make new friends,

and get psyched for the night's show backstage.

We have been known to engage in community outreach,

and order some girly shots,

but at the end of the day, we're in this for the chicks.

We get these thrown at us all the time, sometimes even when we're not playing:

And though we target the under-age crowd,

occasionally we'll attract some aggressive cougars.

After we've made a few obsessed fans cry over us and the show is over,

we retire to the luxurious accommodations of our 5 star hotel.

We would totally keep this up, even if we got paid next to nothing.

Viva la Vida remix

2008-11-18T08:18:00.002-06:00

Hey check out our version of Coldplay's Viva la Vida from our show at the Red Carpet in St. Cloud last weekend:

Don't hurt your neck. ;)

I drove by the school and saw kids doing a music number, and you weren't there! Instead you're here in the sports gym shooting basket hoops!

2008-11-14T12:36:00.001-06:00

Barry O

2008-11-09T21:39:00.004-06:00

Pretend you represent big oil. Try to control our President-Elect:
http://superobamaworld.com/

wow wow chicka wow wow

2008-10-30T10:00:00.000-05:00

The Subsidies' pre-show ritual

2008-10-28T16:44:00.001-05:00

Poorplay

2008-10-25T23:15:00.004-05:00

Just saw Coldplay do their single Viva la Vida on SNL. I love that damn song and I'll keep liking that damn band based on nostalgia alone, but FAAAK.

It's not the 80's. If you're going to record a cool song in a nice studio with an orchestra that only matches your ego in size, you'd better damn well shell out and hire a similar big string section to pull it off when you play SNL. Granted, SNL doesn't have the humor or audience it used to have, but give me a break. Coldplay was the only reason I brought myself to watch the show tonight and I had to see them pretend to play the orchestra parts on a Casio. Again, not the 80's anymore. I don't care how cool skinny ties are.
Also, we got to see Chris Martin hop around like an idiot making owl noises way more than the song necessitates. C'mon. Owls? Really. You make how much money? I WANT to like Coldplay. AGH! You're just articulating the pointlessness of your lyrics. Thanks Chris.
Finally, don't make your own clothes.

This video (and band) does the song an enormous injustice:

Channel your inner goth

2008-10-20T08:17:00.000-05:00

Last year, The Subsidies entertained the masses at Tiffany's annual Halloween party. It was an absolute blast, and we are thrilled to announce that 2008's party is going to be bigger and better than ever. The Subsidies are back again, and we're ready to rock you silly.

Be sure to come to the festivities in your best Halloween costume, as there will be a costume contest at midnight! There will also be drink specials and free Mardi Gras beads. And, did I mention The Subsidies will be there?!

Schedule:

8:30pm - doors open

9:30pm - music begins

12:00am - costume contest!

til close - The Subsidies rock it out!

TIFF's ANNUAL MONSTERS BALL!

Friday, October 31 - Halloween night!

http://www.thesubsidies.com/

Rolling out the Red Carpet

2008-10-19T10:54:00.000-05:00

The Subsidies will make their triumphant return to St. Cloud on November 15 when they open for Wisconsin-based rockers Annex. This is the first trip to the Red Carpet for the band. Annex always puts on a good show, and there's some history between the two bands... sort of. Joe of the Subsidies went to high school in Green Bay, WI with brothers Paul and Craig of Annex.

See you in STC!

The Subsidies with Annex

Red Carpet

St. Cloud, MN

Saturday, November 15

The Subsidies start at 10pm

http://www.thesubsidies.com/

www.myspace.com/annexcentral

get ready, the Haze!

2008-10-17T14:08:00.003-05:00

We'll be rockin' Kato tomorrow night.

Great re-mix:

Poppin' caps at OG's

2008-09-29T15:28:00.003-05:00

Hi. What's up? Nothing? Cool. Not much here either. Do you have any money left in the bank? No? Me neither. Awesome. Whenever I feel overly stressed about things in life, such as our dwindling economy, I try to simply bury my head in the sand and ignore it. It's worked for me so far, so I'm sticking with it.

If you're interested in participating in my aggressive plan of non-action, come on out to O'Gara's on Saturday, October 11th at 9:30pm. The Subsidies will play some good music, and you can drink your troubles away.

Sound good? Cool!

The Subsidies
O'GARA'S
Saturday, Oct. 11 at 9:30pm
http://www.thesubsidies.com/

Get nude with the Subsidies!

2008-09-28T20:07:00.000-05:00

Now, we'll never require nudity at a Subsidies show. A room full of sweaty, nude people would most likely end up in 39 pregnancies. However, if you choose to show a little more skin than people usually show, well, go for it.

Now, to be clear, I'm speaking to the ladies. I know you've been doing 20 pushups a day for the past 9 days, and really, it's starting to show. But, dudes, let's stay clothed. Nobody wants a sweaty, hairy armpit to rub up against them mid-show. Trust me. Grant tends to strip as the show goes on, and he tends to, well, show more skin than we'd like him to.

In summation: Ladies + naked = very yes. Dudes + naked = nausea.

THE SUBSIDIES

At the Haze in Mankato

Saturday, October 18th

Music from 8:30pm-12:30am

www.thesubsidies.com

The Subsidies have gone global

2008-09-17T09:51:00.006-05:00

The Subsidies are now an international sensation. Gone are the days where we can walk though an airport without being hassled by the paparazzi. I wouldn't trade our fame for anything, but sometimes I'd like to go to the mall without having to sign 300 autographs.

Proof of our inevitable globalization was sent in by Subs-Fan Patrick P. He was sporting a stylish, always fashion-forward Subsidies t-shirt while at Castle Blarney, home of the Blarney Stone, near Cork, Ireland.

Our goal is to have a Subs-fan proudly showing their Subs-gear in all seven continents. Two down...

Antarctica is going to be a bitch.

What's the difference between a hockey mom and a pit-bull?

2008-09-10T13:42:00.004-05:00

Hockey moms honestly think they can run a country because they know how to lace up skates at 4am. Also... uh LIPSTICK!

She's got kungfu grip over simple-minded American women everywhere!

We should really just stick to black, white, and red.

2008-09-08T21:18:00.010-05:00

During our show at Rookie's down in the Roch last weekend, this woman approaches the stage as we're playing with this big thick black leather belt in her hands and an inquisitive look in her eye.

My first thought: "Umm I'll pass on the S&M tonight, thanks."
My second thought: "Are we about to get terminated?"

Thankfully, she pulled out a harmonica (one of many in the belt). We won't be billed as a blues band anytime soon, but we could handle a little harp action:

Also, here's a little taste of what it's like to be one of our "Livin' on a Prayer" girls:

Great weekend y'all! Thanks for partying with us.

You killed my father. Prepare to die.

2008-08-31T16:53:00.003-05:00

Hello. My name is The Subsidies. I'm a cover band that plays, well, covers. Good covers, too. You might not know me, as I've been gone for a whole month. See, I had way too much stuff to do this month, like go to weddings and bachelor parties, take a little vacation, even do some work-related travel. I know, I know. It's no excuse. And I am very sorry for my absense.

To make it up to you, I'll be at Rookies in Rochester this coming Saturday (September 6) from 9:30pm to 1:30am. I'll play bunches of great songs for you, so come on over and see me. It's been a long while, but I smell fresher than ever. At least for the first few songs.

Rookies (in Rochester)

Saturday, September 6

9:30pm

No cover charge! (that's like a free beer).

National Treasure 3: The Riddle of The Subsidies

2008-08-18T11:13:00.006-05:00

This is a particularly difficult time for Subsidies fans. We're about 1/3 the way through our self-imposed "down time" to get through weddings, vacations, work travel, and a honeymoon. We are in Rochester on Saturday, September 6, but that offers little satisfaction for our metro area loyals.

So, to help get you through this tough time, we have provided a little riddle of sorts. The Subsidies added a couple new songs to their repertoire recently. Below is a photo from a rehearsal session, depicting the structure of a song. If you can figure out what the song is, we'll send you a shiny new Subsidies poster of your choice, autographed by the band. How exciting is that!?! Here's a hint: The album that this song came from has the word "CAT" in it. Send your solution to info@thesubsidies.com.

Funny, ironic shirts are all the rage...

2008-08-01T10:52:00.027-05:00

The Subsidies, fresh off a successful Summer tour, are embarking upon a large media blast for our forthcoming 3rd studio album, "Holy Shit Castles," starting with some humorous t-shirts.

Apparently kids today (what's the deal with kids today!?) like t-shirts with funny sayings on them. Don't argue this point. It's science.

So, we're pleased to show you the 21 t-shirt designs we've created for you. We'll have some sort of voting mechanism where you can vote for your favorite(s). The top few will be made into official Subsidies gear for you to buy - which will then help support our cocaine and whore addictions. Feel free to let us know which are your favorites using the poll to the right. Thank you.

Enjoy!

"Should we talk about the weather?"

2008-07-31T08:42:00.015-05:00

To the astute observer, it may be apparent that whenever the Subsidies plan a show, the likelihood of a severe weather situation on that date increases 10 fold.

A few examples:

Hurrican Katrina - Yes we were there playing the New Orleans Jazz festival.

The Great Tangshan Earthquake of 1976 - It's true, one can play Jesse's Girl on the Pipa.

The 3,200 BC Biblical Flood from the Old Testament - We, of course, had scheduled a "cruise ship gig" on Noah's Arc. Sounded fun at the time.

Some (Tina) even attest that Subsidies gigs are the root cause of global warming!

Well, look out your window and you'll see today is no different. We're planning a little outdoor acoustic happy hour tonight (5-8pm) at the Eagle Street Grille in St. Paul across from the Xcel Center. Naturally, it may be raining frogs by the time 5pm rolls around. If so, don't fret. We'll still be rockin' out - acoustic style - inside near the safety of the bar. See ya tonizzle!

See you on the flip side

2008-07-28T14:31:00.005-05:00

For those of you who just can't seem to get enough Subsidies, get ready for a painful dry spell. We're playing the Eagle Street Grille on Thursday, July 31, from 5-8pm. It's our debut acoustic show, and we're quite excited for it. However, after that show, you won't see us for some time. [Don't hold back the tears. Let it out.]

We realized in the spring that the end of summer was going to be a challenge, as we have so many non-band commitments in this time. A brief sampling of what your Subsidies will be doing while away from rockin' and rollin':

1 Bachelor Party Weekend
5 weddings (including a Subsidy)
1 work conference
4 vacations
1 honeymoon
Trips to San Fransisco, Las Vegas, and the exotic Green Bay, WI.

And that brings us to October. Yup. October. However, we're getting back on the wagon in style in October. We'll be hitting the Haze in Mankato and playing THE HALLOWEEN PARTY at Tiff's on Friday, October 31st. Halloween is on a Friday this year, and it's going to be big!

So, mourn us in the fashion that best suites you over the next two months. We shall return, stronger and as fresh-scented as ever come October!

The Subsidies - Live and Unplugged

2008-07-28T13:51:00.000-05:00

When you reach a certain level of superstardom, it is a requirement to start doing acoustic shows, made famous by MTV some time back when Nirvana and Pearl Jam went "Unplugged". Well, we haven't reached superstardom level yet, but that has never stopped us before. We're getting this out of the way now so to ease our transition into superstardom, whenever that may come (August?).

Bring your hunger, thirst, usual zest for life, and Subsidies tank tops to the Eagle Street Grille (on the corner of 7th and Kellogg in St. P) for a little outdoor, acoustic bliss. We're playing from 5-8, so you'll still have time to head over to the Xcel to catch The Little Mermaid on Ice or whatever's playing these days. We'll be covering Megadeth's entire collection, in reverse alphabetical order.

The Subsidies @ The Eagle Street Grille

Thursday, July 31 from 5-8pm

once you go upright...

2008-07-21T11:39:00.008-05:00

Subsidies bassist Laura Van spotted cheating on her band with another down at the Corner Bar in Dinkytown last Saturday:

"I really like it upright!"

"It's so long and smooth."

Yes, that's exactly what she said.

We got Haze-d

2008-07-17T12:44:00.018-05:00

Good times down in 'kato last weekend! Highlights included getting sponsored by Sprint, seeing tons of our contingent rockin' out -- out-of-town-style, twin Livin' on a Prayer girls, spicy BW3's minutes before Set 1 (never a good idea), and of course, almost getting a cap popped in my ass while loading stuff out of the "club" at the end of the night. (the Haze apparently becomes a "cluuuub" at 12:30am sharp, as soon as the band is done playing - ghetto-licious!)

Anyway, it was nothing if not exciting. We're looking forward to coming back in October when school is in session and the place is supposed to be even crazier. Someone is going to jump out a window, get piss-drunk, or lose a toe. I just know it.

This weekend, we're working on perfecting all our Yoko Ono material in prep for the upcoming show with A Hard Day's Night at O'Gara's in St. Paul on the 25th.

Ieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! We're definitely covering this one:

Wait, is that John Lennon?!

2008-07-15T12:17:00.000-05:00

The Subsidies are heading back to their old stomping grounds, O'Gara's, in St. Paul. Normally, we team up with our good pals Summit Ave., but we're switching things up on you (and just when you were getting comfortable).

We're splitting the night with a Hard Day's Night, a Beatles tribute band. These guys really get into it with the full costumes, personas, gear, and questionable hair styles that the Beatles sported 40 years ago.

This is going to be a blast folks, so come on out early for some Beatles tunes, then your beloved Subsidies will finish things off with songs from, well, every decade since the Beatles.

The Subsidies with A Hard Day's Night

Friday, July 25

Music starts at 9:30pm

O'Gara's in St. Paul (on the corner of Snelling and Selby)

Cougar Hunting

2008-07-09T13:30:00.007-05:00

COUGAR: pronounced "Cou-Gar"
–noun, plural -gars, (especially collectively) -gar.
Attractive, older woman, usually, but not limited to, someone who has been divorced, with small to moderate sun damage (visible around the eyes from spending too much time at Maynards, Zorbas in Brainered or other outdoor establishments brimming with attractive young men) who seeks out the company - usually sexual in nature - of younger, attractive men (preferably those with "popped" collars).

With the modern proliferation of Cougar attacks in and around the metro area, three members of local cover band the Subsidies attended a week long conference and training seminar on not only how to spot a Cougar, but how to render them useless. It was an eye-opening event.

Recent scientific studies show that there has been a 74% increase in Cougar attacks in and around music venues in 2008 - an increase of 24% over 2007. With the recent, well documented attacks on Clairvoyance's lead singer, Steven Smertle, and Destiny's Awareness guitarist Bill "Killer" Bode, the younger, more attractive members of the Subsidies (Collin, Grant, and Joe) wanted to find out what defensive spells, charms, and/or leg kicks were available should these raisin-titted women happen to attack one of or all of them.

"I was a bit apprehensive at first, being that I have been burned by these so-called training sessions in the past," explained the farmer-tanned Subsidies guitarist as he recalled the infamous 2005 conference on mitigating the chant for FREEBIRD by local concert-goers. "What I've learned in the past is you pay money, show up, they hand you a binder with worthless info and ask for another $100 for a series of DVDs."

With a bit of hesitancy, the men left for the seminar, which took place in beautiful Tampa Bay, Florida - home to a reported 12,430 Cougars.

"The training was crazy!" explained Lover as he reflected upon the intensive, some would say barbaric, training sessions the trio immersed themselves in. "Not only did they offer me valuable ninja-moves to compensate for these Cougar's attack moves, but we were taught how to spot a Cougar WELL before they would even attack."

In Tuesday's HOW TO SPOT A COUGAR FROM A COUNTRY MILE AWAY session, Collin, Grant, and Joe were shown slides and video of actual Cougar attacks on musicians. Among the telling signs of a Cougar:

The aforementioned sun damage
Married women have no need to tan as they've already given up hopes of being attractive.
Animal print clothing
Women who are NOT desperate have no need to camouflage themselves as animals. They know this is a horrible, horrible look
Visible NON-taupe colored bra straps and/or thong
Married women ONLY wear taupe. Period. Younger, non-Cougars (aside from those one may see riding on a crotch rocket) have moved on to boy short-style underwear and high-assed jeans.
Humorous screen printed t-shirts
Cougars who missed this exciting trend of 2005 are now seen sporting tees ranging from:
"Boy Toy"
"With a shirt like this, who needs pants"
"I'm kind of a big deal around here" based off of 2003's Anchorman
"I like it on top" complete with image of bunk bed
"If found, return this shirt to my ex husband - and the condoms"
They only travel in packs
If you see a group of middle-aged women, dressed in Target-brand clothing, those are Cougars (or the wives of the band)
They'll feign interest in the newer tunes, such as The Killers and The Fray, but will go ballz crazy over the classics; anything Journey or Rick Springfield related. It's impossible for them not to go berserk over these.
As a default, her clothing will skew as close as possible to that of a stripper.

With their training behind them, the men feel much more confident in being able to not only spot Cougars, but fend them off.

"I'm much more excited for this week's show at The Haze (a bastion for Cougars) knowing I have this knowledge and skill set," said Wright as he sharpened a set of ninja stars.

"If a Cougar steps up and tells me about her and her girlfriends' hotel room, I won't simply have to make up some story about having to drive back home. I can kick her in the legs and make a clean getaway."

Purple Haze

2008-06-28T13:40:00.000-05:00

Good evening, my little chickens. Let's have a talk about Mankato. Mankato is a town south of the Twin Cities metro area that is known for, well, I guess the Minnesota Vikings training camp? Speak up, Mankato-ites if you guys did something cooler like invented lawn jarts or make award-winning key lime pie.

Anywho, Mankato shall be the host of The Subsidies on Saturday, July 12. We're headed to The Haze, which, from what we've heard, is a big ol' college hangout. We love big ol' college hangouts. There is usually a lot of booze tossed around, an excess of expendable energy, and scantilly-clad women waving their arms in the air like they just don't cay-yah. All three = fun show.

Honestly, there can't be a TON of good options for the weekend after the fourth of July, so get the H over to The Haze and get silly with us. We promise to, in return, get silly with you.

The Subsidies @ The Haze in K-town

July 12 at 8:30pm (early start!)

Uircle (pronounce yur-cul)

2008-06-27T13:48:00.007-05:00

The infamous urine-circle (Uircle) is back and better than ever! Made famous in my 2007 blog entry titled "You've either got a really long dong or terrible aim or both or are an idiot," the uircle has made a wonderful re-entry to the lower floor men's bathroom (home of the wall booger and non-flushed log of amazement).

Upon entering the urinal area I was immediately met by a large, circular wet spot. While most human men are able to tap-tap-tap their way to a drip-free pee, we have a few men who seem to have the aim of Michael J. Fox (too soon?).

A few drips may be one thing, but due to ones not wanting to step in said drops, each subsequent pee'er backs up in hopes of staying clear of the ever-growing uircle. As this continues throughout the day, the uircle continues to expand.

See the image to the right for an artist's description. That's some Bob Ross art right there.

By day's end I am forced to stand a good 7 yards away from the urinal - basically against the back wall - as the uircle has become a pee lake, complete with little boats made out of tissue paper and pen caps. This makes me and the gentleman standing, waiting for me uncomfortable. My power is decent enough to make the distance do-able, but after a couple coffees, my aim is very much not. Perhaps this is why many days there is a puddle of pee ON TOP OF THE URINAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

Anyway - nothing else to say. It's more of an observational piece.

It's good to be back...

Her heart continues to go on...

2008-06-24T12:06:00.006-05:00

god she's so old and Canadian - like Molson Ice that's been sitting in your trunk since last summer. It's still good... it's still good...

"c'mon girlfriend!"

This can't turn out well for anyone.

Dave Barack's the vote!

2008-06-05T10:27:00.005-05:00

Subsidies drummer Dave Lover can be seen here waiting in line to meet Obama during his recent historic visit to downtown St. Paul:

Full story and more pictures here

Super Delegate Vote

2008-06-04T13:45:00.005-05:00

Well, we waited until ALL Primaries were finished and are now prepared to support a nominee for President ...

The Subsidies (given the official Super Delegate monicker after playing the 2004 DFL convention) officially support and throw our weight (both figurative and proverbial) behind Barack Obama.

If you hate that, well then suck on it!

Barack's history of supporting cover bands, his optimistic views on our country and its future, and his relatively hot wife make him the perfect candidate for us to go bonkers over. Plus, George Lucas supports him and we fukin' love Star Wars.

In other news, local band and Summit Ave is supporting John McCain based on his firm stance on all things war-centric. Go Figure.

Who you WON'T find at a Subsidies show:

2008-05-27T17:15:00.009-05:00

Find out more about our anti-target demographic.

Question: I just got "Facebook'd." Should I hire an attorney?

2008-05-27T13:17:00.007-05:00

Answer: Getting "Facebook'd" can actually be a positive experience. Sit back, relax, and just let it happen. Getting "Facebook'd" has been proven to build character, lower cholesterol, and decrease resting heart rate.

The Subsidies are now all set up on Facebook. Check out our profile, sign up, and you'll be all ready to do some serious "Facebooking" yourself. Facebook your friends, family, or that hottie you saw at our last show. Go nutz!

Making people more smarter

2008-05-25T09:37:00.000-05:00

The Subsidies will be part of RockCon 2008: "Enriching Lives Through Music and Laughter". This benefit show at The Dugout in Mahtomedi, MN, will feature several bands and a comedian, and all proceeds go to the James J. Connolly Scholarship.

The fundprovides a $1000 scholarship to a deserving high school senior planning on attending an accredited college or university. Silent Auction at 6PM, live music at 7:30PM - The Dugout, 96 Mahtomedi Ave, Mahtomedi, MN.

7:30 pm Twin Star Rocket

8:45 pm Rummage Kinsmen Reunion

10:00 pm Comedian Jason Kuebelbeck

10:45 pm The Subsidies

Come on out, see some good live music, giggle a bit, and help us make people smart!

Reunited, and it feels so good!

2008-05-23T11:00:00.000-05:00

The Subsidies and Summit Ave, two Twin Cities bands that both really like sandwiches, will be reunited on May 23 at O'Gara's in St. Paul.

It's pretty cool that both bands like sandwiches so much. Because, well, some people don't like sandwiches or the condiments that go in sandwiches. For example, I don't like mustard at all. Really dislike it. Jeff Worden, Summit Ave-er, does not particularly care for ketchup, even though that's stupid. Ketchup is awesome. What an idiot.

The Subsidies + Summit Ave.
O'Gara's in St. Paul
Music starts at 9:30pm

No, not Tavern on Grand

2008-05-23T10:06:00.000-05:00

Your lovable Subsidies are heading back to Tav on the Ave in St. Paul on Saturday, June 21. No, this is not the place on Grand Avenue where you get tasty walleye sandwiches. That's the Tavern on Grand. Very different. Please pay attention here.

The last time we played Tav on the Ave, there was the first major snow storm of the year. It was really quite hellish, yet some our die-hards trudged through the blizzard to have some fun with us.

The lesson to learn here is that we play regardless of weather conditions. If there's a tornado, which is probably quite likely, expect us to still be playing.

Tav on the Ave.

St. Paul

Music from 9:30pm 'til close

No Cover!

http://www.tavontheavenue.com/

Some poster love

2008-05-16T10:32:00.002-05:00

Dual-threat singer/designer Collin Hummel was awarded a poster of the week nod for an older Bunkers show poster. Is there anything this guy can't do?! Well, yes. Origami. He's just terrible at origami.

http://superblast.typepad.com/superblast/2007/09/poster-of-the-2.html

Grievance of the moment:

2008-05-15T14:39:00.001-05:00

I love (hate) the way the east coast says "in-tah-net."

That is all.

Stage Moves - Part Trix

2008-05-14T13:48:00.017-05:00

Oh man I haven't had Trix in forever... Not a GREAT cereal - not on the level of Cinnamon Toast Crunch or Reese's Puffs - but surely a good cereal for switching it up every once and a while, so as to infuse a healthier "fruit" option into the morning routine.

I digress...

Here are a few more moves you might notice on stage at an upcoming Subsidies performance:

SCRATCH ACID

SHAKE 'N' BAKE

THE TRAMPOLINE

it's THIS big

THE "BEN ANDERSON" LIP CURL

YOU IN THE FRONT, GET ME A BEER

THE TEETER TOTTER

and of course, an all too familiar scene played out on stage in bars across the globe:

THE DRUNK GIRL WHO THINKS SHE CAN SING

A few beers, some music, and an MRI

2008-05-08T11:24:00.000-05:00

The Subsidies will be heading south to Rochester to play a little rockin' music and maybe get a some outpatient work done at Mayo. When in Rome!

It's been a while since we've played Rookies, so this one's going to be big. BIG. And on top of that, we LOVE Rookies. This place knows how to take care of their musicians. The staff are awesome. And hell, water slides in the hotel! Now, that's rock and roll.

THE SUBSIDIES

Rookies in Rochester, MN

May 16, 2008

Music at 9:30pm

Stage Moves - Part deux

2008-04-21T20:05:00.021-05:00

...some more cliched rock star poses you're likely to see at a Subsidies show. I thought this would all be more entertaining with picture examples:

THE SLIDER

PRAISE BE TO ALLAH!

ONE DAY ONE NIGHT SATURDAY'S ALL RIGHT

a phallic extension of Freudian psychoanalysis... GUITAR ENVY

Laura's fav, GUMBY

and when the gumby gets a little out of hand, we go... TO THA FLO!

Who can forget Dave? My personal favorite stage move:
"HOW DOES THIS SONG START?!?"

also affectionately known as "WHERE?!?"

More to come...

I don't wanna come back down from this cloud

2008-04-21T15:37:00.003-05:00

Yup. The Subsidies are heading north to St. Cloud once again. It's scary up north. There are sasquatches (sasquatchi?), rabid moose, Canadians, wolverines, Wolverine (X-Men), and UFO abductions. It is crucial to never stray from crowds, as that's when they get cha. You're walking alone, thinking, "I just live down the street. What could happen from here to there?". Then BAM! Next thing you know, you're the designated breeder in a Sasquatch colony. Not cool.

Anywho, get 6-13 of your friends together, and meet us at DB Searles. That place has solid wood doors, so the wolverines and Canadians won't be able to get in.

The Subsidies

DB Searles in St. Cloud

10pm-2am

Saturday, April 26

Stage Moves - Part 1

2008-04-08T21:33:00.005-05:00

It may be a given that The Subsidies are hardcore about getting you all to rock out on a bi-monthly basis, but I’m not convinced you’re fully aware of our passion for excellence (and sometimes, neither are we). Hence, this blog entry. Our band is run much like a sports team. We practice Saturday mornings, eat and drink together before shows (pizza and Highlife lite do wonders for the G.I.), and hang out with cheerleaders after the big event (Laura knows these “spotter” dudes that come by and drink all our beer – we’d make fun, but then they’d kick Collin’s ass).

Additional proof of our penchant for perfection may be found in our habit of “watching tape.” We’ve been known to get together and watch video of past performances in order to critique each other on categories such as technical virtuosity, witty banter, and general sex appeal. This month, our analysis uncovered several stage moves utilized by various members on a consistent basis. Where these moves originated is anyone’s guess, but just know we are by no means above conducting covert surveillance of opposing teams (Boogie Wonderland, Orange Whip, Summit Avenue… et al…). Below are some moves you might recognize at an upcoming Subsidies performance:

*The Gumby: This move, utilized almost exclusively by our own Laura Van, features our female bassist in a full frontal backbend for all to see. Keep a close watch, as these often come out of nowhere, usually during slow and intimate moments of the set.

*To tha flo!: Here’s a variation on the aforementioned “Gumby” backbend. Taken to the next level, you’ll see L-Van bring herself all the way down “to the flo!” Lucky she thoroughly stretches her groin before each show. She has a hard enough time recovering from this move as it is.

*Puppet Master: Coming straight from his boy-band school of thought, lead singer Collin Hummel has utilized a plethora of stage moves throughout his career, but none strike us as entertaining as the Puppet Master. This fitting gesture of leadership and superiority is executed by raising one’s hands nearly straight up in the air, then dangling your digits in a marionette-like fashion over the audience. Yes, he’s found it’s the perfect way to get the crowd to heed his every whim. “More Jagger please!”

*Commando Crawl: This bent down / head up motion frequently incorporated by the ever increasingly mobile Lover brother (Joe), serves two purposes – (1) to create tension prior to release during the sonic build-up and discharge evident in many a Subsidies composition choice, and (2) to allow said guitarist to seek out needed crowd affirmation during crucial points of the set. In less monogamous situations, this move has been known to aid artists in the determination of which female audience member(s) would accompany them backstage for casual conversation and the consumption of legal substances after the show.

*The John Mayer leg bounce: Yes we’ll admit it. Some of “our” moves may be staples penned by your favorite artists. This is all too true in the case of the John Mayer leg bounce. A long-time favorite of Grant’s, this move is accomplished by extending the left leg further out to the side, planting your right foot firmly in place while allowing the left to bounce in time off the floor. This position says “ladies, my unit is so large I’m forced to alter the position of my leg in order to play my instrument this effortlessly (as we all know I can). It’s THAT big.”

*The Jeff Worden Drumstick Swirl: Though he can’t take any creative credit, this move is named after our friend, booking agent, and drummer for acclaimed regional jazz quartet, Summit Avenue. Jeff executes night after night (that’s what she said) with flawless form and drunken abandon. Dave aspires to be a little more like Jeff every day, from sunrise to drumset.

*The Ben Anderson “I’m way cooler than you” lip curl: Another storied move a member of Summit Avenue utilizes on a regular basis, the Ben Anderson “I’m way cooler than you” lip curl originally found it’s footing with a dude by the name of Elvis and has been bastardized for decades thereafter. Not sure what I’m talking about? Go to Summit Ave’s next show, stand front and center, and keep your eyes peeled. Just like the herp, you’ll know it when it hits you.

I'm going to melt your face!

2008-04-01T17:13:00.004-05:00

If you don't go to Tiff's on Friday, April 11th around 9:30 pm, well, you're just stupid. Really dumb. There will be nudity, loud noises, people running with scissors, all the cotton candy you can eat in 2 minutes, a live zebra, Helen Hunt of "Twister" fame, a mechanical bull, and two albinos from Hibbing. Seriously.

If you don't go to Tiff's on Friday, April 11th, you'll miss all of these things. Your friends will point at you and laugh, and rightfully so. Don't be dumb. No one likes dumb people.

The SUBSIDIES!
Tiffany's Sports Lounge
Ford Parkway in St. Paul
Friday, April 11 at 9:30pm
http://www.thesubsidies.com/

Live Zebra!

Feeling Strangely Fine

2008-03-20T09:36:00.000-05:00

March is going to be a banner month for The Subsidies. First, we're at O'Gara's on St. Patty's day (remember, this is on Saturday, March 15 this year). That should be silly good fun.

Later in the month, we play one of the best venues in the state. We're at the one and only Fine Line in MPLS on Friday, March 28. Yup. The Fine Line on a Friday night. That's really about as good as it gets.

We want to show the Fine Line that The Subsidies can rock the house, so come out in full force for this one. We'll have free tickets available sometime in early to mid-march, so please check www.myspace.com/thesubsidies to get your hands on the free tickets.

See you in MPLS!

My arch-nemesis:

2008-03-14T12:08:00.008-05:00

Chris Chike, 16, of Rochester, Minn., became the Guinness World Record holder for the highest score for a song on the videogame, "Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock."

Star Tribune

When it comes to Guitar Hero, a Minnesota teenager is on top of the world -- no strings attached.

Chris Chike, 16, is the Guinness World Record holder for the highest score for a song on the video game "Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock."

In New York City on Tuesday, competing against other gamers, Chike, of Rochester, earned 870,647 points -- or 97 percent completion on the Expert Level -- for the song "Through the Fire and Flames" by DragonForce.

"It's like out of this world," the Century High School junior said just after setting the mark on the plastic guitar.

Players hit buttons (there are no strings) while watching a video screen and score points based on how well they keep time with the song.

"Chris' accomplishments are nothing short of amazing," said Guinness World Records judge Doug Parsons, on hand to certify the attempt.

Chike's record-setting effort at the Web2Zone Cyber Center came during Guinness' launch of its Gamer's Edition 2008.

He said in interview with the Rochester Post-Bulletin that he has gotten a higher score playing at home. He also said he used to play four to five hours a day, but not so much anymore because it's not as challenging.

PAUL WALSH - Star Tribune

Come Shamrock out!

2008-03-05T16:19:00.005-06:00

Official lineup for the 15th:

more info here:

St. Patty's Day Officially Moved to Saturday 3/15

2008-02-26T12:38:00.008-06:00

Apparently, some Bishop dudes over in Ireland caught wind of a Subsidies gig going down at O'Gara's Saturday 3/15. To avoid confusion, they decided "after weeks of deliberation" to officially move the holiday to Saturday 3/15 this year, so as to promote our event.

Weeks of deliberation. Wow. Must be rough. Read more here.

Grant

The Subsidies Officially Go Green

2008-02-24T15:21:00.000-06:00

Well, at least for 3 hours. That's got to be worth something, right?

If you were to create a list of Minnesota's best annual parties, near or at the very top would be the O'Gara's St. Patricks Day party. This is a historic event in the metro, and 1,000s of drunken fools partake in the madness.

Well, if this party wasn't at the top of the list, you can officially move it up to #1. The Subsidies have been added to the already stellar lineup.

We'll be playing on Saturday, March 15, from 7-10pm, which is quite possibly the best slot on the day. We'll be sandwhiched between Orange Whip (4-7pm) and Pat McCurdy (10pm-1am). If you can find 3 better bands playing at one venue, go to it. When you realize that none better exists, get your green gear on and get the hell over to O'Gara's. This is going to be one of those shows that you tell your grandkids about.

The Subsidies

O'Gara's in St. Paul

Saturday, March 15

7-10pm

GO GREEN WITH US!

Losing our St. Cloud Virginity

2008-02-14T20:04:00.000-06:00

We've taken St. Paul and Minneapolis by storm. Rochester's notch is on our belt. Mankato is still a little dizzy. But, it's time to head north. First on the list? St. Cloud!

The Subsidies will head up I94 and barring any fast-moving glacial drift, we'll take down another unsuspecting city on Friday, Feb. 22, at DB Searles. The festivities will begin around 10pm, and we'll go until we can go no longer. Actually, we'll probably go a little longer than that, just to hedge our bets.

St. Cloud... you can run, but you can't hide. We have you in our sights, and we're coming to take you out. Tell those close to you that you love them, as you never really know what will happen at a Subsidies show.

The Subsidies
DB Searles in St. Cloud
Live music at 10pm

onstage banter highlights

2008-02-09T10:04:00.000-06:00

BEVY:
bev·y (bv)
n. pl. bev·ies
1. A group of animals or birds, especially larks or quail. See Synonyms at flock1.
2. A group or an assemblage: a bevy of beauties.

Love stinks... yeah, yeah

2008-02-07T20:24:00.000-06:00

Valentine's Day. February 14. The day of love and hearts and fuzzy bears and flowers.

I Hate Valentine's Day. February 15. The day of boozing and dancing and random sexual encounters. Well, boozing and dancing, at the very least! Two out of three ain't bad!

The Subsidies are heading to Tiff's Sports Lounge on Friday, February 15. If you are thrilled to death that Valentine's Day is officially over, then join us on the 15th at Tiff's! And, well, if you are one of those people (girls) who dream of roses and chocolates from the man (or woman) of your dreams on the 14th, well, you're welcome on Friday as well. We'll do our best to convert you to the dark side of the force.

The Subsidies
Tiffany's Sports Lounge
Ford Parkway in St. Paul
Friday, Feb. 15, 2008
9:30pm-1:30am

The year of the rat

2008-02-06T08:33:00.000-06:00

You may be asking yourself, self, what's so special about this Thursday, February 7, 2008?? Well, other than the fact that it was just announced yesterday the Subsidies are playing the fricken FineLine at 9pm, downtown Minneapolis that night...

it also just so happens to be the first day of the Chinese New Year. I'm sure as an avid The Subsidies fan, you're interested in increasing your "dude, I'm totally cultured" quotient, so I've taken the time to compile some interesting facts on the holiday:

1. Chinese New Year's Eve is known as Chúxī. Chu literally means "change" and xi means "Eve". INTERESTING, as the candidate for "change," BaROCK Obama mopped the floor with everyone in the MN caucus last night... Seriously, I'll probably vote for him just so I can say "Our president BaROCKs!" It won't get old. Ever.

2. There are three ways to name a Chinese year: by an animal (2008 is known as the Year of the Rat), by number (current year is Year 4705 by the Chinese calendar - damn) or by its formal name (this is the year of Wu Zi). Say it again - "Wu Zi." I love Snoop Dogg.

3. Since the calendar is based on a 12 year cycle, anyone born in the Year of the Rat will turn either 1 or 13, 25, 37, 49, 61, 73, 85 or 97 over the course of the next year. Here at The Subsidies, our new rat resolution is to acquire Myspace friends from all "Year of the Rat" age groups. If you know any senior citizens who wouldn't mind singing "Living on a Prayer" with us onstage at our next gig, contact our drummer, Dave. He's handling all elderly intakes.

4. According to ancient Chinese legend, the "Nián" was a man-eating beast from the mountains which came out every winter to prey on humans. The people believed the Nian was sensitive to loud noises and the color red, so they scared it away with explosions, fireworks and the liberal use of said color. These customs led to the first New Year celebrations, and to the formation of The Subsidies. We wear red and crank it to 11 for a reason. Do I hear a new campaign slogan?!? The Subsidies - Protecting your ass from Nián like it's nobody's business!

So, come out, get your chúxī on, and celebrate the Chinese New Year with us at the FineLine Thursday!

The Subsidies '08,
Grant

Read my lips:

2008-02-04T17:16:00.000-06:00

Given the impending Minnesota caucus this Tuesday, there has been some discussion in The Subsidies camp as to which candidate Minnesota's Best New Cover Band** will officially endorse. Due to marked dissent amidst the group (specifically, Dave) and our collective calloused apathy towards the state of political circus the U.S. media has developed over the past 30 years, we, The Subsidies have decided to make a collective run for the Presidency in 2008. We're currently throwing around a few campaign slogans, which we believe will help differentiate us from our competition:

The Subsidies - a cover band for hope and CHANGE. (refusing to play "Freebird," "Mony Mony," and any tunes by Pantera since 2006!!)

The Subsidies - Experienced, proven, tested... for HIV.

The Subsidies - Combating "the evils of radical Islamic extremism" through song on a nightly basis.

The Subsidies - Sleeping with Bill Clinton, not because we have to, but because we WANT to."

The Subsidies - a cover band in favor of updating tried and tested lyrics to fit "God's" specifications.

The Subsidies - already more popular than Dennis Kucinich.

We'll work on committing to an official political stance, choosing a hip theme-song, and delegating Presidential leadership roles between the five of us in the coming weeks, but for now all you need to know is GET OUT TO THE POLLS AND VOTE TUESDAY! It's possible we may not actually be listed on the ballots yet (our people (Jeff) have yet to talk with their people), so be prepared to write us in. It's time for a love revolution, y'all.

Peace, hope, love, Prius.
Grant

**according to Tiffany's Sports Lounge - Fall '07

My true calling...

2008-01-28T17:34:00.000-06:00

Friends, I write to bring you news which both saddens and excites my heart. After much internal strife, I have decided to temporarily resign my position as guitarist and back-up vocalist for Minnesota's Best New Cover band*, The Subsidies in lieu of pursuing a career in Guitar Hero. My eyes were opened to my true calling this past weekend as I made quick work of contenders during a GH competition at local wattering hole, Billy's on Grand. Easy, medium, hard, expert - I rocked-steady through all songs of Guitar Hero 3 at all difficulty levels as my competition fumbled their way into anonymity. Having risen to the challenge in similar fashion many times before throughout the local scene, I finally proved to myself and all others present I could compete at a national level. I'm not going to let comments like "guitar hero is not like playing real guitar OR being a real hero," "dude, you can only win $50 a pop at those competitions," or even "real guitar heroes get STD's" hold me back from dropping out of life for a while in order to attain my true dream of beating all contenders into a calloused, bloody pulp of tendonitis and vitamin-D deficiency. YEAH!

I plan to begin my assent to fame and notoriety next weekend at the Madison regional GH open. Song of choice? Knights of Cydonia by Muse. Let the heroics begin! Updates to follow.

*according to Tiffany's Sports Lounge - Fall '07

you know all those mirrors in the Microtel were two-way...

2008-01-20T16:27:00.000-06:00

So I was flipping channels today in my attempt to recover from the insanity that was our show at the Inferno Tavern w/Kicktin in Mankato last night (thanks all - we're lovin' the Mankato like Laura Van loves Duracell) and I just so happened to stumble on a little nugget of life advice from the one and only, Ladies Love (L.L.) Cool J:

"You need plans, plans to keep you going, plans to make something of yourself. Like, if you've planned to go to the supermarket and this dude is all 'yo, lets go hang at the gas station' you can be like, 'naw I've gotta go to the supermarket today' and that way you don't spend all your time chillin at the gas station... then you can really make something of yourself."

Thanks L.L. It's clear why the ladies love you.

Grant

Fan Mail: Session 8

2008-01-16T08:47:00.001-06:00

Well it's that time again. Time for me to switch my Hyundai's oil from 10w over to the good old reliable 5w30. Nothing says winter like viscosity, right? Am I right?

It's also time for me to answer fan mail. Again?! Since I'm knee deep in bags-o-mail, I thought I'd dive right in, but I do have a few things I'd to talk about up front.

At my current place of employ, I've made a move in career station location. Whereas I used to be located 8 feet from a lovely bathroom, I am now a metric-mile away from the nearest place of disposal. I used to be able to go to the bathroom whenever the mood hit me as I was so close in proxemity, even if I didn't have to go but just wanted to mingle. Now with my being incredible lazy and the bathroom too damn far away, I've found that I'm holding my urine in (literally, at times, by pinching the tip of my wedding tackle) for hours at a time. When I finally determine that it's time to extricate my golden flow (determined by a sharp pain in my bladder region and cold sweats), I've found that I've waited so long that I'm basically racing to the stall in fear of having an accident. It's a weird trade off - I don't go as often, but I end up spending a good portion of the work day keeled over in pain.

One more item for discussion (don't you like how I always call it "a discussion," like I'm talking to someone? What a tool.): I wish I had been a bit more proactive in buying stock in Weight Watchers, Inc. The reason is this - Weight Watchers is the parent company of Lean Cuisine, a product which is filling our company's fridge. Each year at this time, the women and one dainty man - Jeff, our booking agent - that I work with go on these weight-loss regimens, spurred on by a low sense of self-image, television campaigns, and New Year's resolutions. "I'd like to lose 20 lbs," one weak-minded fool will say as she stuffs 4000mg's of sodium into her mouth. Like clockwork, the Weight Watchers stock spikes and I am left with another missed opportunity to make money off of the low self esteem of my coworkers (remember the push-up bra fad (WHO DOESN'T) of aught-6? Man, I would've made a killing off of Victoria's Secret stock had I put their catalog down for a minute and bought some. Anyway, give these people 4 weeks and they'll be back to eating deep fried cheeseburgers and sticks of butter.

On to your questions:

"I absolutely love you guys!! Your energy on-stage is contagious and I wondered how you get yourself up for shows? Can't wait to see you at Tiff's in February!!"
Meghan - St. Paul

First off, thanks for the letter Meghan and thanks for being a fan. I love you. As far as getting up (that's what she said!) for a show, I can't speak for the other members of the band, except for Laura who's pre-show routine is a session or 3 with her bed-toy and a violent round of diarrhea. My pre-show routine consists of three kicks to the testicles by my 5-year old son; two to the left ball and the third and usually the hardest to the right. I follow this up with some deep breaths, a shot of mouthwash - both for the booze and to give my teeth that "clean feeling" - and lastly I think of you and know that if I don't give you my all, I'll feel like a piece of crap. You - and I'm talkin' about you specifically, Meghan - deserve 98% each and every show! I leave the last 2% for fear and shame, if need be. Thanks again for the letter.

---

"Any chance I can get a date or at least some lovin' from your HOT AS HELL bassist? She's pretty much the hotest (SIC) thing you guys have going!"
The Todder - Cool Town

Dude, no offense, but going with "The" before your name is a bit lame. "Hey, I'm The Collin." Actually, that's not half-bad. And you're from "Cool Town"? Really? I'm glad we have more female fans than male fans to be honest, as I don't need to perform in front of "Cool Town's" graduating class of all shirtless dudes. Your question is one I get all the time; both at shows and in print form. Our bass player, Laura, is attractive. She doesn't quite realize this yet, which is actually to my benefit as I don't have to share the front of the stage with her as she hides back by the fog machine. As she's never had so much as a deep tongue kiss, I don't know how to get action from her or how to get her to "feel" you. I do know what she DOESN'T like and that list is as follows:

Come-ons such as "I'll let you hold my instrument any day of the week" or "I must be a cannibal because I want to eat you."
Standing to next to her on stage, licking your lips and mouthing, "you have no idea... damn girl..."
Telling her to "ditch these geeks and come party with you, your buddy Spitz, and "this" bottle of Jag."
Giving her performance tips, suggesting ways to improve her play or - and this is the worst - asking to play a song or two with the band suing her bass, as you are also in a band.
Having a penis

So, thanks for your question, best of luck taking "The Clear," and we'll see you at a show soon. Sincerely, The Collin

---

"How do you pronounce your band name? Is it The Sub - CITIES or what? I love you so much and can't wait to see you for the HUGE St. Patty's day show - it's going to be epic!"
Tasha - Hibbing

Tasha - Take a sledge hammer and bang your head a few times. I'm glad you're a fan and thank you for your support, but if you can't pronounce a basic bit of English - "SUBSIDIES" - then you may need to just end it now. I sure the hell wouldn't ask someone how to pronounce "Bacon". "Is the "C" silent? Is is Ba-on?" I don't mean to be rough on you as I'm sure you're hot as hell - most of our fans are -but come on. SUB - SID - EES.

---

"Hey, you guys are flippin' ridic! Your first album is still in my 5-disc player and I request "That's What She Said" on KDWB's drive-time... STILL. My question is about your upcoming album, The Ill-Advised Audio Experience. Are you changing your sound like other bands always do after a successful debut? I hate that. Either way, I'm buying it and am planning on seeing you at the Inferno this weekend."
Krissy - Mankato

Krissy - thanks for a few things: being a fan, being hot, using the term "redic" in a sentence, listening and still requesting our music, and lastly, for bragging about owning a 5-disc CD changer. You must be rich.

I'm glad you asked about our second album. I too hate when big groups decide that, "hey, we were SO successful on the first album and people love us, but let's write the music ourselves now and go in a new direction." Brittney did this. The Backstreet Boys did this. All the huge bands! I say dance with the girl you brought to the dance, but later ditched to go to the sweet party at Brad's house, but later met up with again after no one hotter would make out with you. Our first album and new album will have the same feel to them. We're going to add some more electronic drum beats on a few new songs, but only because Dave bought the new KJ3000 Synth-kit and it has 80's pop-beats on it, but other than that, expect awesomeness!

---

Well, that's it for this week. I'll try to throw down some more feedback next week. We're also hoping to have a live chat next week. We're just looking into technology which will allow such an event to occur.

Until then, I love you like I love mayo and cheese sandwiches. Be well and we'll see you Saturday at the Inferno. Be sure to check out the opener, KickTin, they're a blast and extremely talented!

Collin

Where's the Coke... and I Aint Talkin' Soda

2008-01-15T15:24:00.000-06:00

I've been in the 'biz for almost two (that's English for "dos") years now and a few things are on my mind. Would you mind if I discussed them with you? You would? Oh, sorry. I'll leave. Really? I can now? Make up your mind, god!

I signed up for this (yes, Joe actually made me sign something - weird) thinking I was entering the wonderful world of booze, drugs, roadies, and soft rock 'n f-n roll, but much to my dismay, the first couple of years really haven't been filled with mind-altering drugs, nor nights of debauchery; unless you include sharing a MicroTel bed with our drummer Dave and his legs of fury debaucherous (sic).

Don't get me wrong, I'm having fun. I am. I love performing and meeting all the cool fans we've made. I just - I don't know - need something to happen. Something "redic".

The gig we're coming up on this weekend at Inferno Tavern in Fankato could be our group's first foray into those things which shall not be spoken (I'll assume blogging about them is still cool). The Inferno and our opener "KickTin" know how to party. They get it. I'm not talking the kind of partying my wife and I, along with our friends do - you know, Wine Clubs - I'm talkin' 'bout the kind of party Brittney Spears is into. I want to show the world my 'gina. I want the court to take my kids after this weekend. If all goes well, I will wake up Sunday morning naked, my clothes still unaccounted for, badly bruised, but able to limp effectively, and nursing a hangover the size of the medium drink at Wendys. KickTin, a rockoustic band, prides themselves on drinking vast amounts of cocktails, mixed with horse tranquilizers and urine (Horse-bombs anyone??). They drink, sing, drink, and then follow it all up with a little bit of drinking.

I'm thinking you'll want to make this show. I'm feeling that when VH1 does its Behind the Music episode of The Subsidies, this will be the turning point - where we go from a bunch of good guys (and one chick) to a group hell bent on trashing hotel rooms and lining up coke; snorting it off of women and all that!

So, get down to the Inferno early, have some drinks, settle in and just wait for all hell to break loose. I for one am looking forward to it.

Burn, Baby Burn!

2008-01-12T11:52:00.000-06:00

The Subsidies are heading south to a little place called Mankato in January. This fine town has a local establishment called the Inferno Tavern that, well, bears some resemblance to The Titty Twister from the film "From Dusk 'til Dawn" by Quentin Tarantino. Notably, vampires live there and dine on unsuspecting patrons.

Now, you might ask why we'd risk our lives to play at such a devilish venue, and it's a valid question. Mainly, a band called KickTin, which may or may not already be vampires, is playing, and well, they are a fun band and worth the danger. And, no one tried to eat us while we were there last time, so I've got my fingers crossed. Grant generally smells like garlic, so they might be avoiding us because of that.

There's a very good chance you won't be eaten and turned into the undead, so come on out and rock the hell out of Mankato with us. There will be good, loud music and plenty of fog to go around. We'll see you there!

Saturday, January 19

KickTin starts at 9:30, Subsidies to follow

Inferno Tavern in Mankato, MN

Album 2 - Part Deux

2008-01-04T11:43:00.000-06:00

I like to think of myself as famous, but in all reality I'm not really, aside from the contingent of Vander Heydens in NE Wisconsin. With that said, whenever I come across an article about us, The Subsidies, I get a little misty eyed, as it feels like I'm somebody. Here's a cool little ditty about our next album from Blender magazine:

With the impetus of a Minnesota Music Award and a smash debut behind them, Minneapolis band The Subsidies are not about to let that momentum go to waste.

The talented quintet unveiled details of their sophomore album today, dropping an album title and track listing for their follow-up to 2006's Behind The Front Of Us.

The new album is titled The Ill-Advised Audio Experience, and is set for an April 23 international release and an April 24 North American release on Urge Records.

The album will be preceded by the first single, "Gravity Belt Liaison," which will hit stores April 16. The Subsidies will unveil new material during an April 27 set at the Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival in Indio, California, and have also begun confirming arena appearances for the summer.

Behind The Front Of Us was the fastest-selling debut album in Minneapolis music history, selling 96,000 copies in its first week. The band built a tremendous amount of buzz prior to its release through its MySpace page and by distributing its music at its regular gigs at local bars; O'Gara's Lounge, Tiffanys, and Rookies. Described as Minnesota's Hottest New Cover Band, the curious, yet talented group of 5 hit the road to promote their music and work on new jams, along the way honing their skills as word-smiths.

The Subsidies The Ill-Advised Audio Experience Song List:
1. Sneaking Up On You Loudly
2. Kern That Better
3. Gravity Belt Liaison
4. Ballerina Outercourse
5. As We Lay Or Is It Lie?
6. Only My Best Is Good Enough For Me
7. Are You Sure This Is Enough Of A Tip?: An Ode To My Parents
8. This House Is Built Of Lumber And Dreams
9. We've Been Here Before, Just Not This Naked
10. Mall Kiosk (The Coral Necklace Song)
11. Unpainted Wood
12. Smells Like Failure In Here
13. The Gayest Straight Guy

Let's See How Far We've Come

2008-01-03T14:04:00.000-06:00

You may not know this -- and by "you" I mean the 4 people, all Vander Heydens, who actually read this blog -- that I and the other band mates have full time jobs not band-related. Whereas someone like Bono or Billy Corgan or Paris Hilton for that matter wouldn't find themselves somewhere in middle-management on their non-band time, I on the other hand do.

I, like two of my other band cohorts (Joe and Grant), work for a successful web company. We play music as an outlet to release any sort of stress I suppose, although some might suggest it's our last chance to act young -after all who wants to see a bunch of 40-year old wannabes playing Killers tunes?

During the day we find ourselves working in cube land; attending meetings which seem to revolve around planning subsequent meetings, wearing nice slacks and TJ Maxx-styled dress shirts, and, of course, eating from the trough that is the birthday buffet.

The birthday buffet is a general term used in explaining communal food parties held at offices across this great nation of ours. Birthdays, retirements, celebrations of hitting KEY METRICS, etc. We gather together, share "how do you dos" and eat food items ranging from bagels to donuts, to cake and ice cream to fruit platters.

This blog entry isn't about these gatherings, per se, but more about how we seemed to have not actually evolved as humans. Let me explain.

The other day an email went out from the executive secretary letting everyone know that left over pizza from some board meeting was available in one of the main hallways. Now one would think or half-imagine that as grown, mature, and educated adults, we wouldn't be so quick to jump for a few boxes of cold, half-eaten pizza, but apparently I was off.

Not so much as 1 minute had passed since the aforementioned comic sans-laden email been sent out when the hallway was jammed with people trying to get their mits on some grub. Hadn't they eaten just an hour ago? There were no lines, no formality, just a pack of wild beasts attacking the pizza with such voracity that I half imagined peoples limbs being torn asunder amidst the pizza feast.

This wasn't the only such incident either. Just yesterday a similar bit of correspondence was sent out letting us all know donuts and other similar pastries were available and that we should help ourselves. You should've seen the stampede! It was as if the members of the Chilean (or was it Argentinian?) rugby club had just scaled down the Andes fresh off of some cannibalistic adventure and made contact with the assorted goodies. People were grabbing pastries quicker than Brittney Spears grabs for a man's love sack on the first date. Some people had stuffed small muffins down their pants, while another woman licked three donuts knowing full well that this would stop others from grabbing them - it didn't.

My question is "How far have we REALLY come?" Everyone here is a college (equivalent, at least) graduate making between $35k - 6-figures a year. People dress themselves, speak grammatically correct (except for the use of "supposubly" and "irregardless"), wash their hands after going #2 on an average of 76%, and generally seem well put together.

It seems, however, that when the option of free food, even food which has been touched, is made available, we revert 100,000 years and go all "caveman" on that ass! If you've ever seen a pack of cavemen bring a mastodon to the ground and tear it apart - screaming in the air over their conquest - then you know what these office scenes look like. I get freaked out, man! When the email goes out, I hide under my desk.

Perhaps our DNA hasn't completely made the change from hunter to civilian yet? Perhaps we need this primordial urge to attack the various foods to keep our hunting abilities relatively intact, just in case Armageddon comes and we're forced, one again, to bring down the mastodon (only this time, the mastodon is a freshly unearthed cake, with only one missing piece)?

It's Been a Long Time...

2007-12-31T10:38:00.000-06:00

Hello all - I know it's been a while since I threw down some serious blog-action, but I just recently got my blogging rights reinstated by our leader, Joe. I'll try to keep this thing as fresh as the lettuce at an Old Country buffet. I think I speak for the rest of the band when I say Grant's poetry-laden blog was not reflective of the personality of the rest of the band - yikes!

So the holidays are over and we find ourselves in the morass that is Janu-ebru-arch. The Vikings, in normal fashion, are out of it, the T-Wolves suck massive ass, and the weather is a settling into its normal suck-ass-ness (not to mention it's not even January and we're already buried in snow).

Just because winter sucks - and it does - doesn't mean there isn't anything to do. The Subsidies resumes its Midwest tilt on the 11th at O'Gara's w/Summit Ave. We go on around 11:30, but get there for S.A. as they sort of kick ass too.

After that we'll be traversing good 'ol Hwy 169 down Mankato way on the 19th of January to the Inferno Tavern - always a blast!

Soon after we'll be heading into the studio soon to work on our "sophomore" album. With the success of "Behind the Front of Us," our first album, it'll be great to keep the momentum going. Look for a new single this Spring with the album dropping around June 24th.

---

Tid-Bits:

ITEM #1
Went to the QuietDrive show last Saturday hoping to see them kick ass as they are want to do, but didn't get such a reward. Instead, they mailed it in, playing from 8:30 - 9:30... yes, you read that correctly. With the amount of mothers and 10-year old kids walking around, you'd think it was a Chuck E. Cheese concert. At one point a suburban mother of three asked the lead singer if "he could keep it down as her youngest was sleeping." I always love the dichotomy of an all-ages show; Me and my alcohol battling for space amongst kids who may very well be one of my own from days of yor. I always feel just a shade over pathetic at these shows as I feel that either these 2500 kids' musical tastes are too old for them or I am a Good Charlotte album away from being placed on the sexual predator web site.

ITEM #1A
One more item from said evening: APPARENTLY they - FirstAve - have had some issues with minors getting their hands on booze in the bathroom as you aren't allowed to bring alcohol into the toilet. I WISH I HAD known this prior to having my BRAND NEW $8 Corona thrown away for bringing it in with me as I like to drink and pee at the same time. The bouncer ripped the beverage from my hands leaving me a bit embarrassed and thirsty. Awesome.

ITEM #2
I've been dress-coded!! Upon visiting the well-known blow jobbery that is Bellanotte in downtown Minneapolis, I and my Eric Foreman-body and hair-double band leader Joe Lover were targeted by the bouncers for violating the strict dress code - We had hats on. Oh, sorry for this oh bastion of excellence. Let me get this straight: I can get my wedding tackle licked upon in one of your many stairwells, but I can't rock an H&M beanie? Riiiiiight ...

What made this even more perturbing, aside from me looking like I had been sleeping in the backseat of a car all night, was that at least 5 other men (and too women) were wearing hats (fedoras, caps, and Brad Pitt style paperboy hats). When the bouncer took Joe and me aside and kindly explained that Bellanotte forbids hat wearing I could've called him on this, but alas I found it better to spend the next 40 minutes using spit to try and coax my hair into a half-feaux hawk, half-side part. Not a good look.

ITEM #3
Best new web site of the year: http://www.youporn.com/
You can thank me later.

ITEM #4
Does anyone else think women in the Spears family like the feel of a man inside them sans-condom? Good lord - put the dcks down!!! 16!!! Jamie-Lynn is 16 and already pregnant! Couldn't she have waited to a couple years to throw her life away like her big sister? Apparently their mother (can anyone say Mom of the Year Award) already sold the story for $1 million and is looking to add this Chapter to her soon to be released book about parenting. All I know is that I can't be much worse of a parent. I'd rather read about how to raise kids from Lindsay Lohan's father.

ITEM #5
Like father, like son... I shouldn't be too quick to speak in terms of parenting. In the span of two days during the holiday break, my youngest son (5 years old) managed to grab his aunt's breasts, slap his female cousin's butt, and pull the pants off a mannequin at Old Navy to "see if she had a butt too." I'm beginning to think I may want to mix in some football tosses and swirly training now as apparently I'm raising the school molester/bully. Jeez!

ITEM #6
I'm going to buy a Smart Car this Summer, I think. I drive 7 miles to and from work each day, why do I have a big SUV?

ITEM #7
If you need a New Years resolution to actually give you the impetus to change something in your life, you're already screwed. Although, if I had to come up with one it'd be to have more patience for people who yell out answers to the pre-movie quiz (which star of ER took a turn at movies with Ocean's 11? Michael J. Fox!). I hate these people, but need to be more aware that they are lacking a chromosome or 6.

Happy New Year -- See you at O'Gara's!!

From our home to yours, happy holidays...

2007-12-21T10:50:00.000-06:00

Oh, you'd better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I'm telling you why
The Subsidies are coming to town

They're making a set list,
Arguing about it twice;
Gonna find out who's practiced their shit.
The Subsidies are coming to town

They Myspace you when you're sleeping
They rock when you're awake
They know if you've been bad or good
So come out to a show and be bad to boost our ego

On, you'd better come out
You better get off your butt
drink and dance a lot, I'm telling you why
The Subsidies are coming to your town

M E A T R A F F L E

2007-12-10T23:22:00.000-06:00

What is it about downtown Hopkins and meat raffles? "People in the affluent western burbs like to gamble," reasons Pat Stebe, who has owned Decoys's with her life partner for nearly 20 years, "…and they love their meat." Fair enough. It's a Thursday at 5:00 p.m., time to commence Decoy's weekly raffle, whose proceeds benefit the GOP’s committee for the arts, which holds bi-monthy gatherings at the Jujitsu dojo just down the street. A table near the door of the cozy but clean joint is stacked with delectable offerings from local rock band, the Subsidies. After a few beers for the un-shaven, unruly, over-50 crowd (of the female persuasion) and a few hits of GHB for the band, the would-be crochet club is instructed to “prepare to grab your meat, ladies!”

Guitarist J. Lover is first to take the stage, whipping out a delectable offering of his special pin bone sirloin cut. “It’s the motion of the ocean, ladies. This feels as good on your tongue as it does slithering down your throat coated in my secret recipe hot sauce.” And the winner is… Number 115!!!! This goes to the decidedly un-petite Penelope situated over by the pool tables, draped in plaid. Yes, you! J. will make sure you’re getting filled tonight! Mmmm mmm.

Next up is drummer and brother D. Lover, or as he’s affectionately referred to on the meat raffle circuit, “big daddy t-bone.” Yes ladies, Big D’s meat may be the elder statesman of selections, an overly used tried and true cut of straight beef, yet you keep coming back for more. D’s beef goes straight to the lucky Phyllis (or is that Phillip??) holding number 212 in the back… and that’s just where he’ll give it to you.

Moving on, we have guitarist G-rant, who brings to the table his patented “hot beef injection” system. Yes, that’s right, the lucky winner tonight will not only receive the axe-slinger’s very own high quality ground beef chuck pre-marinated, sloppy joe style (watch out, splatter has been known to cause pink-eye… plastic wrap not included), but they will also receive his very own hot beef injector, perfect for working your beef into all sorts of unanticipated scenarios, such as beef cornbread, beef tossed-salad, or warm beef pie (see below). Winner, number 87, Louise with the latex gloves! Congratulations! You’ll need them.
Louise inspects G-rant's beef pie for rogue hairs.

Selection number four comes from singer Collin, who features tonight his famous tip-steak. “Ladies, lets play a little game I like to call ‘just the tip.’” Collin brings to the table a fresh selection, as he recently took some time off from the meat raffle circuit to attend to family matters. “Let’s just say my offering has been thoroughly tenderized, as I’ve had plenty of opportunity to beat my meat.” The frontman’s package goes to number 51, Geraldine in the front row! Settle down there grandma, don’t pill your favorite pair of underoos.

Finally tonight we feature luscious Laura’s tasty spread. The bass player always comes prepared, featuring a variety of moist offerings for all to enjoy. From two stuffed chicken breasts, to succulent boneless loin, to her (surprisingly) signature pungent Ahi tuna steak, Laura never ceases to simultaneously amaze, attract, and repel. “Can I get another roll of tickets?!?” shouts Dorris from the dartboard. Yes you can, Dorris. Yes you can. Word has it Laura might even pay for those once the GHB kicks in.

Bar owner, Pat closes out the event with a final sound-byte: "The rest of my family is in the meat business, so I know what to look for," she says, stroking her she-stache and surveying the evenings’ booty. She’s found a certain quality in the Subsidies not offered by rival meat rafflers on the circuit, and she’s not shy about her opinions. “I’ll handle any shank they can toss my way.” It’s nice to know when you’re appreciated.

O'Gara's kicks off 2008

2007-12-01T09:45:00.000-06:00

One of the band's favorite shows from 2007 was the O'gara's show in which we shared the stage with Summit Ave. We had a great crowd, tons of dancing mayhem, and an overall damn good time.

So, what better way to kick off 2008 with a repeat of that great show?! We're switching things up a bit this time around, as Summit Ave. will go on stage first around 9:30. Then The Subsidies will take over and rock the house 'til close.

Get there early, drop a few beverages into your system, and party with us.

Friday, January 11
Summit Ave at 9:30pm
The Subsidies to follow
O'Gara's in St. Paul
164 Snelling Avenue North

Decoys in Hopkins

2007-11-26T08:41:00.000-06:00

The Subsidies will wrap up their whirlwind tour across southeastern Minnesota on Thursday, December 6, at Decoys in Hopkins.

The thrill-a-minute crew have had a brutal tour schedule as of late, playing a whopping four shows in the matter of 5 weeks, including shows in St. Paul, Rochester, St. Paul, and finally Hopkins. Take it from the Subsidies... the rock star life isn't always hookers and blow. Well, 80% of the time it's hookers and blow, but that last 20% is tough. Signing autographs, getting restraining orders, traveling from city to city in extravagant tour busses, etc.

After the Hopkins show, which starts a little earlier than normal (9pm), the band will be taking a couple weeks off for a little R&R. The 2008 tour starts in mid-January. So, get out to Decoys and see The Subsidies before they are huge and no longer have time for you.

Istanbul is Constantinople

2007-11-25T14:37:00.000-06:00

So, there once was this cool bar in St. Paul called Spanky's. I don't know who or what Spanky was, or why he/she/it owned a bar, but it was pretty cool none-the-less. Sadly, Spanky's went bye-bye for whatever reason.

But, like a phoenix rising from the ashes, the bar has been re-opened (was it ever closed?) by new management and is now called the Tavern on the Avenue, or as the hipsters say, "Tav on the Ave."

Anywho, The Subsidies will be making their very first appearance at Spank... ummm, the Tav on the Ave on Saturday, December 1st. If you've been to this fine establishment before, you know that it was made for live music. There's a main bar area with the works, and to the left is a quasi-side room solely dedicated to the live music. Some of the metro's finest bands have played here, and now The Subsidies can be added to that list. Why not ring in the new month with a little rocktastic deliciousness?!

Tavern on the Avenue
825 Jefferson Avenue in St. Paul
Saturday, Dec. 1 at 9:30pm

Scrapbooking Rocks!!

2007-11-21T13:32:00.000-06:00

We wanted to send a quick "thanks" out to the ladies of the Northwest Regional Scrapbooking and Jewelry Making Association - the NWSJMA - for their participation in our Rookie's show last Saturday.

A bit of background:

Rookie's Bar and Grill, one of our top favorite venues to play, is attached to the Radisson Hotel in Rochester. Because of this, the bar gets spill over from any event, such as weddings, bar mitzvahs, car show, etc, which happens to be going on in one of the many hotel conference rooms. During the Summer it's not unusual to find an entire wedding party and many of its guests dancing to a band at Rookie's, eschewing the DJ who was hired for their wedding.

Well, this weekend was no exception, except there were no weddings happening. Instead, the NWSJMA - a group of 150-or-so women between the ages of 24- and what seemed to be 223-years old who enjoy scrapbooking, bedazzeling, and making jewelry out of beads, dried cereal and mixed nuts - were in town for their bi-annual conference.

If we're being honest here, our first impressions upon hearing this news were not positive. We expected to find a group of "librarian-style" women heading for bed around 5PM after eating some corn dogs and slaving over a hot glue gun all day. Sorry. We're shallow and unlearned like that.

Needless to say, we were WAY OFF... The group of women we met were hell bent on doing three things in Rochester; "Scrapin'" (as they call it), f_ckin', and getting drunk. Not your typical group of women, that's for sure.

We were definitely up to helping them achieve at least two of those - I'll let your mind take over.

With some additional incintive from Minnow, the bar's manager, in the form of free drink tokens, we hit the convention hall and started making friends. While a few of the women took the drink tickets and made them into jacket buttons, many others took the tokens and started in on the partying. Many of these women let us know they'd be back for our show later that night.

Since we like to perform in front of crowds larger than 4 people, we thought we'd nail the invite home by coming back later that evening, pre-show, and perform an acoustic song for them. Upon arriving back at the hall a couple of hours later, we found the group STILL scrapbooking - - 4 hours later!! We came to find out they spent over 12 hours in the same room, scrapbooking... holy shit!

After waiting for the ladies to finish an intense game of Deal or No Scrapbooking Deal, Grant and I took over.

Grant strummed the chords for Sleepy Jean and I sang for the group. It went over much better than expected, even so much that a few of the ladies took their bedazzled-blouses off, showing us their screen-printed t-shirts underneath emblazoned with saying such as "Scrapbooking is God's Gift" or "Bedazzling Gets Me Off."

They loved us, thanked us, and after they finished for the evening, many of them came in and watched us perform.

So, a special THANKS to you ladies for helping to make last Saturday such a success and a blast!!!

The Spoiled Under 30 Crowd

2007-11-21T12:39:00.001-06:00

I'm not a huge fan of email chains, but this one I received today really struck a "chord"

-----

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning ... uphill BOTH ways .. yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in heck I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a dang Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

1. When I was a kid, we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the dang library and look it up ourselves...in the card catalog!! (Do you even know what a card catalog is? Didn't think so.)

2. There was no email. We had to actually write somebody a letter...with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

3. There were no MP3's or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the dang record store and shoplift it yourself. Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and mess it all up.

4. We didn't have fancy stuff like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!

5. And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either. When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

6. We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600. With games like "Space Invaders" and "asteroids" and the graphics were horrible!. Your guy was a little square. You actually had to use your imagination. And
there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever. And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

7. When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating. All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed.

8. Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no onscreen menu. You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on. And there was no Cartoon Network either. You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons!

9. And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove or go build a fire ... imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid JiffyPop thing or a pan with HOT oil and Real popcorn kernels and shake it all over the stove forever like an
idiot.

10. When we were on the phone with our friends and our parents walked-in, we were stuck to the wall with a cord, a 7 foot cord that ran to the phone - not the phone base, the actual phone. We barely had enough length to sit on the floor and still be able to twirl the phone cord in our fingers. If you suddenly had to go to the bathroom - guess what we had to do..... hang up and talk to them later.

You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!

Regards,
The over 30 Crowd

Mark Your Calendars!

2007-11-21T10:20:00.000-06:00

I'm not a designer, but Joe's sister plays one on TV:

HiLaRiTy!

2007-11-18T19:09:00.000-06:00

What's black, white, red, and sore all over???

The Subsidies!! HA!

All cheese aside, we had a GREAT time at Rookie's last night. Thanks to all who came out. You definitely have not seen the last of us down in Roch.

-Grant

The perils of myspace

2007-11-15T22:51:00.000-06:00

A sugar-induced near coma resulted in the following bulletin post on our myspace site:

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I am so not even kidding here.

If you dig music, even remotely, you owe it to yourself. Seriously. It would almost be a sin to avoid this opportunity. Not entirely a sin, but dangerously close. And, honestly, that counts almost as much as a real sin. Actually, I'm not as up on my "what is a sin and what isn't" these days. You know, with the economy and such.

Stop distracting me. Seriously. If given this opportunity.. just handed this chance... and you pass?! Well, that's just crazy talk. That's "terrorists have already won" talk right there, and no one wants that. Down right un-American. Speaking of which, is it weird that I live in Minnesota and have never been to Canada? I just don't see the draw, really. I hear Montreal is nice for a couple days in June. Oh well.

Damn it! Again, with the distractions! My POINT here is that this Saturday has just been deemed The Subsidies Day in Minnesota. Well, southern Minnesota. Well, Rochester. So, if you live in Rochester, and you are still alive come Saturday night, you are legally required to drive to Rookies around, what, 9ish, and have the night of your life with us. Ok, maybe not the night of your life, but at least the night of your week. Easily.

Here are the specs:

-Saturday, November 17 at 9:30pm
-Rookies Bar in Rochester
-1517 16th St. SW
-NO COVER!
-Exclamation points!

Check out how hot we are at www.thesubsidies.com. Really hot folks.